Squirrel
Squirrels are evil. Much more intelligent than bears, squirrels are some of the masterminds behind the invasions from bears. They were also the real supporters of the Democratic Party. Anyone can notice when visiting Washington D.C. that Squirrels are trying to dominate our government. Liberals, Gays, Communists, and Satanists have squirrels as their second favorite pet. Their favorite pets are bears. thumb|left|Squirrel getting ready to a Kamikaze attack. One of the war tactics commonly used by squirrels is throwing themselves in front of our American cars. Historians are discussing if such tactic was learned from the Japanese Kamikazes during the World War II, which would make the squirrels' attempt to seize the White House the one that has been lasting the longer. There are rumors that The Greatest President EVER! will launch The War on the Squirrels as soon as he wins the presidential elections again, in 2008. Origins It is a fact that squirrels are not earthlings. They were probably brought to Planet Earth by an alien entourage led by Tom Cruise, who is also known as Xenu. The entourage was secretly greeted by the Democratic Party, Gays, Communists, and Madonna, the singing whore, at the White House. The squirrels soon adopted bears as their new best-friends, which was highly approved by all gays present at the ceremony. Since then, squirrels have used bears as their weapons against the government established by Baby Jesus through the The Greatest President EVER! Squirrels' Stretegies The most known strategy used by squirrels in their cruzade against Christendom and the logical order of the world is the Kamikaze attack, which mainly seeks to cause caos. But Squirrels are the most intelligent live being on Earth after Humans. Thus, Kamikaze attacks are a method used only by the most fanatical squirrels (Terrorist Squirrels), specially trained by the Japanese branch of Al Qaeda. Unlike Terrorist Squirrels, most squirrels work with their mind by planning the bear invasion. They also are have been planning how they are going to take the government from the party established by God. In order to achieve their goals, squirrels have been reinforcing treats with democratic politicians. Their most important representative at the congress nowadays is Nancy Pelosi. Genera The most common kinds of squirrels are: * Sciuridae Homossexualis - Usually found in the habitats around San Francisco, CA; this type of squirrel has a long historic of sins and democratic vote. * Sciuridae Communistus - This type of squirrel, very spread throughout the country, is the result of squirrels that lived in Canada for some time and were infected by their free healthcare. * Sciuridae Ursidae - Albeit not very common, this kind of squirrel has been presenting a growing rate of proliferation. They are the result from unions with bears. * Sciuridae Kaintukianus - Found throughout the Commonwealth of Kentucky, this common squirrel has two subspecies, known in the local idiom as "Lookin' At Squirrels" and "Eatin' Squirrels". Squirrel Supporters * Madonna * Tom Cruise * Bears * Gay Bears * Al Franken * Hugo Chavez * L. Ron Hubbard * Time Magazine * Nancy Pelosi